Spring and summer babies do come with one unique challenge that kids born in the Fall and Winter don't have as much though...which is when will they start school? Do you start them as soon as they can because they have birthdays before the cut off? OR do you wait a year, and then start them when they are one of the oldest in the room? Does it matter if they are social? Does it matter if they already know their basic skills? Will they be bored or behind? Will they be the biggest in the room? Will they be the smallest? Will they get made fun of for either? What if you make the wrong choice and it messes up their education somehow? I know some of these all parents consider...and some of you probably think I'm crazy, but seriously, don't we all want to give our kids the best possible situation for success? Really, that is A LOT of pressure!
I made two different choices for my very different boys. I put my oldest in PreK 3 months after he turned 4 years old. He was a calm and focused boy for the most part. I knew that he wouldn't pose a problem in the classroom, or get in trouble for bouncing off the walls. I knew he was smart, and I never doubted that he would succeed. I did have my concerns that he would be social. I did have my concerns that others would be further ahead simply due to their interest and age. With great doubt of if I was making the right choice, I put him in school with excellent teachers and fabulous staff support. He learned a ton! He loved his teachers. He made a couple of good friends. He learned all his letters, and enjoyed what he learned at school. BUT he struggled to say goodbye in the morning. He hated naptime. He didn't show his real personality until the Spring, and he was so worn out by the end of the day that we were not really able to enjoy our time together because he was stressed and exhausted...which translated to a grumpy and often simple mad little guy.
BUT...He succeeded! He made good friends, and he was able to do what all the teachers expected him to do most of the time. Until the end of Kindergarten and the beginning of 1st grade...Please don't get me wrong or think I am suggesting that my son is way behind or anything like that. But, my boy that absolutely loves books is feeling very defeated with reading. When you enter school, people stop looking at your age in months and just focus on your grade level, and what you should know within a certain time line for success in that grade by the end of the year. AND this is 100% reasonable with the system that we have in place. But, what if my 6 year old who will not turn 7 until May is not developmentally ready to read like the 7 year olds in his class? He just has to keep preserving and not give up. We work harder because he is "behind", but then he starts to dread "homework" time, and my perfectionist of a child would rather just shut down because he sees others having more success faster than him. My super confident young man who used to proudly say he was fast like flash, now tells me that he isn't fast because the other boys (almost all bigger and older) can ran faster than him. And it hits me, for 3 years now I have been wondering if I made the right choice by putting him in school when I did. And, I can not help, but think I did not. I mean, I know everything is meant to be. Maybe some of his friends will remain his best friends for life. Maybe they will always have his back and he will have theirs. Maybe he will meet the love of his life in the right place at the right time because of when he started school when he did. Maybe he will be sympathetic to people who have to work a little harder than others, and it will make him more compassionate and understanding. I really don't know. But, what I do know is that I hate the way he is starting to feel about himself, and it is the absolute last feeling that I ever wanted to give to him. He even recently told me that the other kids made fun of him because he was younger, and he wished I'd waited to put him in school.
AND, I almost made the same choice for my youngest... I applied for a position that I didn't get and it allowed me to keep him in a terrific preschool one more year. He was different though. He most likely would not have been able to sit at school all day and learn. He would have been bouncing off the walls, and making it hard for others to learn. But, he would have been fine socially. He would have easily hugged me bye in the morning and joined his friends. He would have made a lot of friends because he is a huge goofball. One thing I have learned is that I have not for one second regretted or doubted my decision to keep him out of the public school one more year, but I have doubted if I made the right choice for my other son a million times. Parenting is hard! Every child is different, and every situation is different. I understand fully that economics and income can also play huge factors in whether you wait or send your Spring/Summer baby to school...but my advice is if there is ANY doubt and you can, just wait.
My youngest is thriving in preschool, and takes great pride in being in the "biggest class" in the "whole" preschool!!! He still struggles to sit at group time. He is still learning about social interactions, how to handle multiple friendships, and how to be kind to everyone. He gets to learn it in a place that teaches preK and Kindergarten skills, but with a focus on PLAY which he really still needs. He has choices about what he wants to learn and focus on each day, and he has a sense of ownership in his education. I have no idea if this means that he won't ever be "behind" in his educational achievements...(I am a September birthday and was in remedial reading until the 3rd grade when I was developmentally ready to succeed). BUT, what I do know is that I will not have to wonder if I played a part simply because I sent him to school before he was ready.
I really wish that there was a book that told me exactly what to do step by step to make the best life for my kids. There isn't. SO I am sharing my thoughts and experiences in hopes that it might help another mom, dad, and kid out there. I am praying for my boys, my parenting, and for my mom guilt to diminish. I am also praying for all those other parents out there who are trying their best to make the best choices for their children. I am confident that both of my boys will be readers, and I KNOW that no matter what, they are a gift and they each have a divine purpose in this world!
