I was laying in bed after putting the boys to sleep. All around was calm. FINALLY! I should be able to rest. Today has been busy. Today has been a bit stressful. Today my youngest woke up crying and spent the last portion of the evening doing the same. Sure, there were good moments in between, but there was also lots of sibling arguments, and many not so great moments. I have kept my cool. I have been the calm (even if only in appearance) to their chaos. Today, I have earned my right to sleep....Yet, there I lay with my mind racing 100 miles per minute, and my heart pounding in my chest. It still is. Pounding! I swear I can hear it. Why? Why, can't I sleep? Why do I have a million things racing in my mind? I cannot finish a complete thought before the next pops in to interrupt. Seriously, in reality, my life is great. I have a good marriage with a man who loves me through my crazy. My kids argue, yes, but ultimately they are amazing! Truly! Each wonderful, unique in a million different ways. I have people who truly care about me. People who love me, and a purpose in life. So why must I struggle like this? I know God's will for me is peace. Why can't I find it tonight?
You see anxiety and stress trigger the same chemicals in your brain as you would get if you needed to run from an angry bear. Fight or flight. Back in the day, that reaction was necessary. I might have legitimately needed the skills to defend myself from a wild animal. BUT, not tonight! Right now, my body is pumping adrenaline to help me either run from a bear or fight it. My body doesn't understand that I need to do neither of those things. I actually need to relax and rest, but my brain is stuck. Fight or flight, Fight OR Flight, FIGHT OR FLIGHT! Bum Bum..Bum Bum..Bum Bum!
The reality is that I only find my center in these situations when I come to God, and the people that He has placed in my life....
So with that thought, I paused to pray and seek God's word in scripture...
My prayer went something like this...Lord, thank you for loving me through it all. Thank you for making sense when nothing else seems to. Thank you for teaching me that there is more to life than fight or flight. There is more than stress and tension. Thank you for asking me to hand over my burden. Right now, I give you my stress. I give you my insecurities. I put my future in your hands. I believe that healing will come. Complete healing. And I believe that you will show me how to give strength to others who struggle with similar fears and anxiety. Lord, I apologize for ever thinking that I could do this on my own, and not putting you first in my life at all times. You are always the answer. You always lead the way as long as I will follow. Thank you Lord for being my peace. Thank you for being the calm to my chaos. Thank you for leading me into my purpose. Even though, I have actively tried to avoid it at times. Please help me to sleep, and bring peace and comfort to those in my life. In Jesus name, Amen.
Deuteronomy 31:6 "So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."
My heart is still pounding, but my thoughts are growing more clear. The tension is slowly leaving my neck and shoulders. This stuff takes time, but thankfully, my God is a patient one. AND He is directing my path. Slower breath, quieter heart beat...I will rest tonight...
How do you find peace and rest in your struggles?
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